Discovering Dickens

‎"Thus, a strain of gentle music, or the rippling of water in a silent place, or the odour of a flower, or the mention of a familiar word, will sometimes call up sudden dim remembrances of scenes that never were . . . " -Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist


     If you know me at all, you know that I'm always working through a book. I've been that way since I first learned how to read. Now, I am not a fast reader--so I might be seen carrying the same book around for months at a time--but still, you don't have to read fast to love reading. For me, reading gives me goals and a sense of accomplishment.  My somewhat-perfectionistic side has given me the will to finish pretty much any book I start. If I set my mind to it, I usually enjoy anything I read. However, there was one author who always set my face sour. Yes, it was him--it was that darn Dickens.
     I don't know what flamed my ardent dislike for this famous author. It could be that my younger sister always liked his works, and I always attempted to "be the older sister" by NOT liking whatever she liked (this could be my stark jealousy at her ability to read AND understand a book quickly--and I mean QUICKLY). It could be my hatred for anything to do with the abuse of children--movies like "Oliver Twist" and "Nicholas Nickelby" quickly send me boiling into the next room.
     You can imagine my attitude when I saw that there are at least THREE of Dickens' novels on the list of 100 books that I want to get through this year. I decided that I had to get it over with. So, despairingly, I reached for my dusty rendition of "Oliver Twist" that I had TRIED to read years ago, only to yank myself through 1/3 of the book before putting it away and declaring that "Dickens is dumb" again. This time, though, he wasn't gonna beat me. I found where I had left off and quickly started to finish what I had started.
     Oh my, how differently this author appears to me now! It was as if my eyes had been healed from a long-faring illness. It isn't the story of Oliver that I particularly like--it is the way in which Dickens writes it. Why had I not caught on to this before? There's something about his words--something about the way in which he writes them--that just simply leaves me satisfied after each portion of reading. I'm not saying he's become my all time favorite author or anything--after all, I still have 100 pages of Oliver left! But I no longer detest this author. Quotes like the one at the beginning of this page make me realize there's something special about him. He somehow makes you realize why his good characters are really good and why his bad characters are really bad . . . not only due to their actions, but their upbringing and mindset as well. I could go on and on about the character Nancy alone in "Oliver Twist" and how Dickens depicts an awful character brutally and honestly in such a manner as to make me partially sympathize with her . . . but I won't go into that. Dark and dreary as his stories are, he really understands life and is able to put pen to paper in a way that helps me better understand it too.
     So, as an inexperienced Dickens reader, what do you fellow literature lovers think about him? I am just now becoming his student. I am eager to learn!
    P.S.--yes I have actually read "Tale of Two Cities." I read it when I was younger, however, and now would like to read it again to discover it's renown.

Snuggly

    My Little Snuggly is cuddled up in her bassinet right next to me, soundly asleep. If you knew my baby, you'd know that this is a rare occurrence for me! She's not like the knocked-out newborns you see at the hospital. No, my little sweetheart has decided that she's too cool for sleep. This might be okay if she would enjoy her swing or boppy pillow so that I could actually take a shower and get dressed every day. But no, she likes to be up and about--preferably nursing--and if she's not, she's usually fussing. But things are looking like they're getting better. Almost every other night this week she has slept 3-4 hours inbetween feedings! For us, that's a lot of sleep. But who's counting? Look at her face. My 5-week old is full of cuteness and is impossible to be agitated with for long.

     Speaking of babies, little Eva has a new cousin just a month younger than her! Elliana Butler was born yesterday morning to my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, Janna Beth and Benjamin. Although she was only an ounce bigger than Eva was at birth, she seemed sooooo tiny when I held her--and all of a sudden, my infant seemed so much bigger! But I'm happy to have a healthy little niece as my birthday buddy.
    Yes, I turned 22 yesterday. If you know me, you know that I have this really strange disdain for even numbers . . . I was trying to prolong 21 as long as possible. As far as this year is concerned, though, 22 is looking great! I have a sweet baby who daily fills me with so much joy, and John is graduating early August. I'm so proud of all his hard work and can't wait to have him home more. I'm still stalling as a junior in college . . . I plan to go back for at least one or two classes this fall, but Eva gets to call the shots. :-)
     I'm veryyyyy ready to fit back into my pre-preggo jeans. I'm not too far from my goal, but I haven't been able to cook anything good or exercise at all with a baby who won't sleep :-/ Hopefully a morning nap like the one she's taking today will become a habit for her. For the first time I was able to do a postnatal workout video AND take a shower afterwards. I even warmed up last night's grilled salmon for lunch! I feel GREAT. I think I'll feel even greater if I lay down next to little Snuggles here and rest a bit before she wakes up . . .

You smile, I smile

     'Cuz when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile

     With the sun streaming through the windows and the sound of my baby breathing in and out as she sleeps next to me, my heart is overflowing on this first day of March. Life has changed so dramatically. The air just smells better. 

     Eva is almost a month old--no, I REALLY CAN'T (and don't) believe it. Her sweet smile pushes me through sleepless nights and tiring days. She has QUITE a dramatic personality. One of our favorite little antics of hers is when she's sleeping--her little face goes in-between wide smiles and wrinkly frowns interchangeably. It's quite hilarious and one of the cutest things on earth.

     Motherhood is alot of work for me and leaves little time to think about myself at all. I'm tired all the time and don't wear as much makeup as I did 3 1/2 weeks ago. In return for work, I get smiles from this sleeping little angel next to me. I wouldn't trade one of her smiles for a thing I'm supposedly missing out on. I always knew this was what I wanted to do. I may not have the energy I dreamed of while doing this thing called "being a mom," but I have more blessed moments and sweet hours than I could have imagined in a lifetime.

"Giver of Life"

  

      I remember how special it was to listen to Matt Redman's song "You Alone can Rescue" during my pregnancy. My favorite part of the song is when he repeats "We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes, You're the giver of life!" I envisioned my precious baby growing inside me, and nothing was more clear than the fact that our heavenly Father is indeed the GIVER OF LIFE.
     Coincidentally, Eva's name means just that. Oh, the joy and LIFE she has brought to me, her daddy, her family--everyone around her! She was born smiling and just loves to gaze, wide-eyed, at everything around her. She currently doesn't believe in sleeping--eating and being awake are much too interesting for her. At just 2 weeks old, she has given this little family of 3 more life than imaginable.
     I already can't imagine existence without her. I have always wanted to be a mother, but nothing could have prepared me for this kind of love. It doesn't have a name or a book to define it. It happened the moment I saw her. I can't even describe how it feels, other than there is something eternal about it. Call me mushy, because I am. I am utterly in love with my little girl.

Showers, sewing, reading, and waiting . . . it's still January here

   I've been showered! This picture was taken at my first baby shower last week, thrown by my wonderful church family. I am grateful to be in a circle that is so encouraging to me about this adventure I am currently embarking on. I am especially blessed by my sweet nieces (only 3 shown here, there were 3 more of them helping me open/organize) who shared in my excitement about everything soft and pink. My second baby shower was last night, thrown by dear friends who had wanted to throw a surprise shower but realized it was becoming too difficult with the baby mischievously crunching everyone's time tables. The theme was "1 Kid and Counting" (after my obsession with 19 Kids and Counting of course!!) and it was absolutely adorable and quaint. I feel blessed to have family and friends support me, especially during these challenging last weeks.
     Although my energy level is running severely low, I have been accomplishing a few things. I am  working on her baby quilt, which is quite the color wheel! Unfortunately, it's going slowly due to multiple sewing machine problems (even with two different machines). I always pictured myself as someone who would be very much into the soft flowers and butterflies for baby girl decor. However, I have completely taken my love for the antique/vintage look and churned it into my newfound love for colorful patterns and textures. Eva's chief theme for her nursery (which is about 1/4 of our bedroom right now) is birds. I found some birdhouses at Hobby Lobby that we secured to the walls, surrounding an amazingly colorful piece of artwork of a bird that I had found as a Marshalls deal some months back. Other than that, her patterns don't match very well--which is what I wanted. If nothing matches perfectly, I have a very eclectic canvas to fill! This picture is an early example of what I'm working on--I still need to do more work on the walls, and I've added some sweet vintage and colorful storage baskets to the area for organization.

     Yes, I am still working on my gargantuan reading list. I'm trying to read through the "Atonement" at present, and although the writing is truly brilliant I can't keep myself focused long enough to get through 5 pages at a time! Oh, how I DO love reading though. It has been fun to collect books for little Eva. I hope she loves for John and I to read to her, since both of us are avid readers. One of my most fond memories from my nannying days are just sitting and reading books to the precious little girl. I started reading to her at just 5 months old, and she loved it even then. Tonight we spent a long time at Barnes and Noble in the children's book section.
     I confess. I have NOT been a happy, sweet pregnant lady lately. I have been in a very sourly depressed mood. The baby is SO ready to come--the doctors will attest--so ready that she's causing me alot of pressure, soreness, and overall pain. She literally has been ready to come for over a week now--but she hasn't. There have been days when I have sworn I couldn't go a day longer. I am not at all belittling the blessing of this life--I just want her out so I can enjoy the blessing :-) I really started thinking today though--I need to just continually depend on God's grace to get me through each day in the exact moment of life I am currently in. I don't want to hurry Eva. Once she is here, I know that her time will pass so quickly that we will wish time would freeze. It's hard to believe this little kicking baby inside of me will soon be out to snuggle with and keep me up all night. God has Eva's birthday in His all-knowing mind, and I know His decision will be better than mine. Who knows--maybe the next time I decide to write on here, Eva will be by my side begging for all my attention! Until then, I'm waiting--and ready. :)

of a pregnant lady's January.

     I am going to talk about anything but the snow we currently have collected on Keel Mountain.

Anyways.

     So, green tea with pomegranate is really good with a little bit of honey in it. It makes you feel extremely healthy and even raises your self-esteem a few notches. Reading is also good for January. I have finished "Anna Karenina" (a-mazing), "The Great Gatsby" (will someone discuss this book with me?) and am now halfway through "The Hobbit." Tolkien is a good author to cozy up to during the winter, but I have to say I do not like fantasy books, so it's a little straining to get through. But since I am not in school this spring, I'm working on a HUMONGOUS book list to fill up my time and my academic cravings, I have resolved to read what's on the list whether I am personally drawn to it or not.

     Another plus for January (think positive, think positive)? American Idol!!!! I was so concerned that the judging team would be a mess, but so far I think they work absolutely wonderfully together. I have even become personally attached to each judge in their own way. I'm rooting for the Russian girl with the curly hair. What about that southern belle Victoria? Her response to the judge's compliment on her sweet and colorful knee-high dress: "You know, I like to show just a little for the men, but I also gotta be a lady!" She seriously needs to write a book, everything she says is precious.

     As for Eva Therese, she is still snug in the womb. I am two days away from being 37 weeks: officially full-term! I would LOVE for her to come today. The doctor says she is doing great. She's in a great position and bearing down so heavily that they will induce me at 39 weeks if she isn't out by then. At this point, I just want her to be here, and I don't care how! It's hard to believe I'll be a mommy in 2 weeks (maybe shorter). I can't wait to hold her and experience all those "firsts." I'm really excited for the first time she'll look at me and know who I am. My first baby shower is tomorrow. I'm excited!

     Lastly, I'm obsessed with this Glee song mash-up of Darren Criss singing "Teenage Dream" to the music track of "Apologize" by OneRepublic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMlkUDdXp8c

If you are a Glee hater, just don't judge me. I can assure you I won't change my mind and you probably will  really regret bringing it up to me.  :-P   I'll be watching the next new episode with my little baby, who is to be very cultured in all things artistic!

Hello 2011

This was our view out the window on Christmas morning. It got ALOT heavier by the end of the day--no patches of ground were left uncovered.

However, inside was as cozy as ever. I had a red Yankee candle burning (candles are everything you need to make a home, says me). John also started a fire, which is something we don't do very often.

This Christmas was truly a special one, and I can't point to one reason why. I had my cousins in town, which was wonderful. We got to see alot of family on John's side as well. It was a white Christmas--something I haven't seen since my childhood in Indiana. I guess the biggest difference this Christmas was that the tree had presents for someone extra this year--Eva's gifts were so much fun to open, even though I wrapped them myself. She got a Shirley Temple movie, an Olivia pig book, and a cute outfit from me. She was very spoiled by family and friends. I can't imagine what next year will be like--she'll be around 10 1/2 months old, so she'll probably be crawling around crunching the wrapping paper. What a precious thought!
     Well, the corner has turned now. The holidays are over, and it's that bleak time of winter when nothing goes on except my husband returns back to work and school over-full-time, and I sit at home with a severe lack of motivation because I just want my baby here! It's been very hard lately. I still need to finish some projects for her--a cross-stitch stocking I haven't begun yet, an almost-finished crochet blanket, and a 1/16 finished baby quilt. I only have 5 weeks until her due date! But I have zero desire to do anything. I've been pretty sore and uncomfortable. I can't wait to meet her--literally, I can't seem to wait. Also, I am SO DONE with maternity clothes!!!! I have stuck to my original plan to not buy maternity stuff (except pants and camis) and just wear long shirts and sweaters as well as loose-fitting attire, which is actually in style these days. But still--my choices are SO limited, the area in my closet where I hang the "unwearable" items is getting larger and larger. I don't want to go buy more clothes since I'm due so soon, but switching between 2-3 outfits is rather miserable for me. On the plus side, I have avoided wearing sweat pants or sweat suits out in public. I've still managed to somewhat be put-together. When I couldn't wear my heels anymore, I just got some really cute boots without a heel. I just don't wear sweats and tennis shoes in public, no matter how comfortable they are. It just isn't me.
     I pray that this big transition from having a baby in our tiny apartment with John being gone ALOT goes smoothly. Only by His grace can it be done, because the thought of John being so overloaded kills me, and the impatience of being a very expectant mommy is also getting on my nerves. Overall, we're truly having an eventful, stressful, and exciting beginning to 2011!