The School Challenge

     Two more weeks until school will be out. UAH is likely not to be blessed by my presence until at least summer or next fall, since the baby's due date falls at an impossible time to miss school during the spring semester. As the type of person who could literally be in college forever and absolutely still love it, it was a bit sad having to miss out on spring registration. But this little girl kicking/flipping/jumping/rolling/punching inside of me is a wonderful, blessed reminder that I will be a very busy woman next semester--a very busy mom. Yes, I will be a real mommy! That beats the coolness of even being enrolled in an Ancient Philosophy course! In fact, I think it beats any coolness . . . 
     School, for me, has been a journey of life that I will forever treasure. It's not just the atmosphere of academia, the rush of students all around, the professors who challenge you at every corner, the smell of books filled with knowledge just waiting to be learned--school is a big, black, concrete question mark in my life that I'm constantly running into. I know that doesn't make sense. But UAH, for me, has been one of the biggest challenges in my life because it is constantly asking me "WHY?" Different material and assignments constantly have me running into that big question mark and dealing with things I've never had to deal with before. And being a student of the greatest Teacher, He has used this question mark in my life in a million different ways.
     My first semester, I was enrolled in an "Intro to Philosophy" course. Talk about running and slamming into that big question mark. Yes, I am a Christian. Why? Because I believe that Jesus is the Son of God who died and rose again in order that I might be saved and live eternally with Him. Why? Because the Bible says so. Why? Um, because I believe in the Bible. WHY? Because it's the infallible word of God. Why? Ah, just shut up and leave me alone!
     But no, that question mark wouldn't leave me alone. I'm sure it didn't bother the agnostics or atheists (though I hope it did). But it sure slammed on those who believed in the existence of God. Now, why was this my favorite class again? Oh, I could go on and on. But let's just say God uses things like this--even things that are against Him. If He is for us, what could stand against? What can stand in the way of His love?
     I started reading my Bible in-between philosophy and English class every single day. And somehow--no, not somehow. MIRACULOUSLY, every time I opened the Living Word it came to a passage of Scripture that dealt EXACTLY with what we were talking about in philosophy class. It showed me how to love the blind man and pray for the hardened heart. Never before had I seen so much hardness. I needed to see it--I needed that question mark because it has made me a stronger and more compassionate person. I didn't feel like a little lamb trying to be slaughtered anymore. God was WITH ME in that classroom, and I felt like the richest of kings--so incredibly humbled that He would choose little me to be the beam of the light of Christ in a dark room. I KNEW there was a God! I KNEW He loved everyone in there! And I KNEW He wanted ME there! No, I didn't end up sharing the Gospel in front of class or turning the philosophy professor into a Christian. God told me that wasn't my purpose there. My purpose was to be a good student--to love everyone around me--and to pray, pray, pray for His lost sheep that He so desires to save. I entered the class as a judgemental, somewhat weak believer in Jesus Christ. I exited that class as a very humbled disciple of Jesus Christ who taught me to love those that hated Him. The students were not honored to have me in the room--I felt so honored to have them in the room. He showed me that as I walked the halls from classroom to classroom, I was an "aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing," 2 Corinthians 2:15. 
     Two years later, my entire college experience has not been a blockage between me and my God, though you are unlikely to hear of Him anywhere in the classroom (besides, maybe, in blasphemous language). I learned and am still learning that NOTHING can separate me from the love of Jesus Christ. He is my Best Friend and Encyclopedia for all things academic. And even when surrounded by that awful feeling of a people who hate His Name--He still loved. He loved me, He loved them, and He taught me how to love them.
     I am unsure of how long this break from school will last--whether or not God decides to send me back is a decision left in His hands. I would absolutely love to go back part-time since my mom lives across the street and has already told me she wants to watch Eva if I finish school. But if He doesn't want me back, the lessons I've learned and challenges I've faced by being slammed into that big, black, and concrete question mark will remain with me forever . . . And the power of love and prayer will never leave my heart for my school. Watch out, UAH--you're being prayed for.

Twilight haters can hate, and they should also skip this one

"This wasn't a choice between you and Jacob. It was a choice between who I am and who I should be."-Bella Swann

~

     It's the biggest debate in the Twilight series--should Bella be with Edward or Jacob? Yes, most Twilight haters can talk about how shallow the story is and what a cliche love triangle it creates. But those unbiased thinkers who take time to inquire and learn from it will find something entirely different. It is a love triangle--but it doesn't just resemble who loves who and who in the world will Bella make up her mind to spend the rest of her life with. It's actually a deep inquiry into the question that many of us face in life--the question of destiny.

     There are important things in life that look like they're perfect for us--the perfect man, the perfect answer, the perfect path. I've often been known to said that the reason we don't marry perfect or walk a perfect path is because we wouldn't need God if we had perfect. It's the imperfection in our lives that create the beautiful picture--a paint blotch here or there that taught us how to improve our technique, a dark spot hit by the light because no true painful trial goes without His healing glory. How many of us look back ten years and say, "Wow, I could have NEVER foreseen myself here now!" Perfect is not only impossible--it's boring. Imperfection is a journey, and it's one we all take. That's what makes life known as life.

     Bella is a normal highschooler who has lived the normal highschool life--until meeting Jacob and Edward, of course. But vampires and werewolves aside, Jacob is Bella's "Perfect." She would remain living the life she's lived forever--she'd spend her endless energy on living in the Indian clan and marry the man who makes her heart quiver. She wouldn't have to change anything--motorcycles, Indian story-gatherings and a man her age who is dark haired, macho and buff--that's exactly where Bella Swann would be headed--had her life's "Imperfect" not come along. Don't we hate it when that happens?! Yes, but no--no, no, and no. It lies in the difference between what we want--and what we need.

     Goodness knows, Edward Cullen is everything Bella shouldn't want but all she really needs. Bella is undeniably drawn to Edward--he is the abstract mystery her life has been yearning for. Nothing about having "normal" divorced parents or living in Forks, Washington, has fulfilled the void that Edward satisfies. 

     Edward and Bella are completely different, yet they absolutely satisfy eachother. Bella is a headstrong risk-taker with spunk and an attitude of discontent. Edward is so completely protective that he breaks his word in order to keep her from danger. He is shy and also discontent in his life--being 17 forever was never his choice. Bella completes him in ways neither of them imagined possible. Bella is the difference that changes Edward's thirst for true human love. Edward is the mystery that Bella's discontentment longs for and the safety she's never had. She's lived her entire life being fairly lonely--and for the first time, she finds someone who needs her as much as he needs air to breathe.

     Jacob doesn't need Bella; he wants her. Edward never wanted Bella, but through their love story they find that there is nothing else they need but eachother. Jacob allows Bella to be the incomplete person she's always been--marrying Edward Cullen is a decision that will change Bella's entire life into something so remarkably different than her imagination could ever comprehend.

     Why does she still struggle between the two paths? Bella hates the perfection she sees in Jacob, yet sees how easy life would be living with her best friend. Bella is drawn to Edward because she knows that however queer it seems, she is meant to be with him. It is destiny that grabs hold of Bella's life and shows itself in personal form. The decisions she makes are heart wrenching, but they are everything Bella's destiny demanded. She finds herself in a place she never necessarily wanted to be yet needed to be--but, as destiny always goes--in the end, what we needed was exactly what we wanted all along.

~

"You'll always be My Bella--My Bella, just less fragile." -Edward Cullen

 At last, I have gotten this piece of thought off my mind.

Pumpkins and Tornadoes

     It is officially fall here on the mountain. It smells like fall, feels like fall, and is certainly acting like a typical Alabamian fall--sunny and gorgeous outside with schools closing because of tornado watches and all that jazz. Naturally, UAH refuses to close and remains open for the remainder of the day (despite the severe weather and tornado watches from now until 5pm). I don't think they'll have the satisfaction of seeing my face at school today. A curvy drive down the mountain and 30-minute drive to school doesn't seem worth the risk--I've already driven off the mountain in inclement weather and into a tree before, I would really rather not experience that again--personal preference, I suppose.
     My entire kitchen smells like pumpkin--oh yeah, it looks like pumpkin too. Food processors aren't 100% mess-free no matter what they say. In my attempt to cook more meals despite my pregnancy related hatred of the kitchen, when I do actually feel like cooking I try to make the whole batch instead of cutting it in half in effort to eat some and freeze the rest for a busy, rainy or pregnant day. Last week I tried a pasta dish. Note to self: make sure you LIKE the meal before cooking alot and freezing it. Anyways, this pumpkin apple soup is one I saw on a friend's facebook. I've been obsessed ever since. My only complaint is that I am still on the quest to think of a perfect side dish. Pumpkin muffins? Is that too pumpkin-y?
    In effort to ignore the wind, I will start talking about my baby (which could take awhile!). Did I ever mention how absolutely wonderful it is to have a daughter to shop for? Now I can spend even more time in the store--time in my section and then time in the baby section. I think that thing about moms only caring to spend their money on their children may have some truth to it. When I first heard it I was very skeptical (being an admittedly selfish shopper). But now I find myself squeezing my budget just to get what I actually need instead of want because I'm so infatuated with making sure the baby has a good first-year wardrobe. I may even go to Plato's Closet next week--wait a minute! Did this Anthropologie-Belk/Dillards only shopper just mention the store Plato's Closet??? I can explain, I can explain--there's this line of clothes that I LOVE that can only be found at baby boutique stores. Little Girl really must have some Zutano (the brand) clothing or I'm sure she just won't be quite happy!! But in order to afford it, mommy has to go a little cheaper than usual. See? It makes sense.
     Okay, Little Girl has a name now. A name that's special to my husband and I for a variety of reasons. It is Eva Therese Hobbs. I think it has a completely beautiful and elegant flow to it. The name Eva is Hebrew in origin--important to me because of my Jewish heritage that I never want to forget. Also, Eva means "giver of life." She sure has brought such life to John and I already. We continue to be absolutely thrilled about her. Do you know how much fun just lying on the couch and watching your stomach pop up and down can be?! She is my entertainment, everything I care about, inside every prayer request of mine, and the life that I cannot wait to see in just 3 1/2 short months. Our prayer for her is that she would give life to others as well--true life from the Life Giver. Therese is my middle name, as well as my mom's middle name. Words can't express how much my mom has impacted my life by her love for me and her joy in the Lord--and if I can impact little Eva's life somehow, the desires of my heart would truly be fulfilled. I knew I wanted to pass down the middle name to my first daughter. So Eva Therese it is. John was the first to think of it, surprisingly! He can't be more excited either--he asks about "his girls" all the time. :)