New Life

It all began with that frightening yet exhilarating question: Could I be pregnant? Within one day and two pregnancy tests, it was definitely positive. Utter excitement flew through my veins, yet I was in a daze--this  is what I have always wanted. This is what I've always prayed for. Is it really happening now?!
  And now, at 20 1/2 weeks, I am still emotionally recovering from the high of my sonogram appointment yesterday. My husband and I walked in happily yet trying not to be too excited--people had given me their horror stories of the ultrasound tech getting the gender wrong or the baby refusing to cooperate with the sonogram.
   Baby cooperated beautifully. The moment your baby shows up on the big screen, your heart flutters like nothing else. That being--that beating heart, that perfectly formed face, those wiggling arms and legs--all of that is inside me. I feel so honored to be carrying this life! I am not impressed by the science behind a "developing fetus," from day one I have known this is God and nothing less than God--He knit this life together in my womb, He continues to do so day after day. He is with us both minute by minute, through the day and through the night. I don't know the baby's needs right now, but He does--and He is the best comforter of all. All the days ordained for our baby were in His heart before any of them came to be. Every comforting word from the ultrasound technician--"Beautiful baby! Growing perfectly! No problems we see at all!" just confirmed the praise in my heart towards our Lifegiver already. And then the words we've been waiting for yet were so unsure of the outcome--"It's a little girl!" John's heart melted, and so did mine. We had both thought it was a boy for so long, but not a cinch of disappointment reached our ears when she said those words. A girl!
     All I can imagine is holding this sweet girl in my arms right now--curly hair, big eyes, big personality. I can't wait to watch her grow. I can't wait to take her on a walk so she can see how beautiful the trees are up here on Keel Mountain. I can't wait to show her what butterflies are, and watch her try to toddle after them. I want to hold her when she's sleepy, pray with her when she's afraid, and hold her hand as she walks through the journeys that life holds for her.
     I don't know God's plan for my little girl. I know that He loves her abundantly, even more than I do--which is so hard to imagine! I know He will take care of her even when I can't. My heart breaks when I think of her having to walk through trials or sufferings. My heart aches when I imagine her ever having to go through a heartbreak. But these thoughts cannot consume me, because not only do I refuse to be an over-protective and smothering mother--but I know how fleeting these thoughts are. God cares for the sparrow outside--the sparrow that is one in a million, somewhat useless to society, and not altogether important in life. He cares for THAT sparrow. How much more will He care for my baby girl as I place her life into His hands and out of my own.
     None of this was ever in my hands in the first place. I have always wanted children so very badly--motherhood has been my passionate desire since I was literally a toddler! But we are not in charge of such things. I became pregnant at God's perfect timing--and indeed, it was perfect in so many ways which I cannot even begin to describe.

     It's not easy waiting on the Lord's will or sitting around wondering if your dream will ever come true. But it's in the waiting that we're able to deny ourselves and focus on His handiwork, and while we're focusing on Him alone our eyes are opened to the miracles He's performing all around us--old and new alike.